Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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