I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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