wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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