I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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