I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
