ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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