Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
