At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
