Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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