they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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