Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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