It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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