I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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