All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You can't motorboat a personality
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize