As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
