VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
