That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my poor anus
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's even glitter on my cock...
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