last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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