the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is Oprah even human
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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