I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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