I'm so fucking centered right now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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