Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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