Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize