Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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