just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
