Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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