I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
