WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
