The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
