It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
