Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
