I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
