I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm at about main and main street
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize