she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
