well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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