You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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