last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
