The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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