my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
