she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
