I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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