Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
