I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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