Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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