Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
