He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
