you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize