i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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