I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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