I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
