I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
