I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
