all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
