She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
