Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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