if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
