Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
