Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
