Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
