I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
