New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
