You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Welp...herpes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
