Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
