Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
