sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
