if you like me you must not know who I am
My Higher Power is John Stamos
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Terrible idea I love it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
