You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
