Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
