those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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