quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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