i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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